Get into a long term relationship, you’re going to need it.
Yes, upon reading those words, I perhaps sent a shiver down your spine. Long term relationship? Why would I subject myself to that? That means I won’t be able to shit with my washroom door open anymore!
You are absolutely correct, however, besides carefully choosing and shacking up with your significant other for the rest of your life (only one, boys), the second most important decision you’ll need to make in your life is choosing, and shacking up with your Barber, perhaps not for the rest of your life, but for a long time. It just makes sense, he does what you want to your hair without you having to talk. And if you are in the mood to chat, he can do what you want to your hair and chat at the same time on a wide array of topics.
There is a reason why they call a barber: a man’s best friend.
He knows everyone’s deepest darkest secrets, (and if he is a conscientious barber, he has made a vow to himself and his clients to never disclose any private information to others regarding his client's private life) he makes you look and feel your best, and he is there, always there, 40-50 hours a week at the same spot, at the same time, day after day, locked up in the barber shop amongst hairy smelly men all day (like being in jail!), making a tremendous sacrifice, so that you the client, upon leaving the barbershop, feel like a million bucks again (for about 2-6 weeks before you start feeling awful about your hair and your life again).
Barbers bear a certain load for all his clients, however, we never openly talk about what we go through with our clients, that’s not for them to know. Standing in the same spot all day may look like an easy job, but the body does eventually break down, and standing 5-6 days a week with minimal repetitive movements, does give cause to, blistered feet, a tense lower back, cramped hands and forearms, and even hemorrhoids (you might want to close that washroom door, this may get loud… and bloody).
However this is in no means a complaint about our jobs and what we must go through, we love our trade to death and couldn’t imagine ourselves doing anything else. This is not only to raise awareness of what a Barber goes through on a day to day basis, but what everyone in the workforce is simultaneously experiencing, for the sake of others.
- Doctors, for example, go to med school, and then put in long tedious hours to come home to their alienated kids, and who will then ungratefully ask for and spend all your money without saying thank you, because he needs to make up for the lost time.
- Truck drivers travel from coast to coast on the highway all day every day, lonely, looking for a little bit of temporary love at each truck stop he comes across, before he’s back on the road alone again with his dirty thoughts.
- And the guy who cleans out Port-a-potties at construction sites, well, we all know he touches shit for a living, so let's give him a beer on the house and give him the best we can to ease his load.
From the Dillinger’s team, we wholeheartedly salute and pay reverence to all those suffering in the workforce, your barber is shitting blood with you, side by side.
Can’t wait to see you when this whole mess is over!